I'm sure William will never remember this. His skin is healing quickly and already diaper changes are not as painful as that first time this morning. But I feel broken. I didn't expect to struggle with two yet. I thought I would gradually give up feeling like I was in control at all times. But it has hit me suddenly that having two children multiplies my need of a Savior in my life and my need for my children to have a Savior.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
More Mommy Guilt
We had our first failure as parents of two this morning. Last night in an effort to get Anna back to sleep so we could get sleep, Isaac turned on a sound machine as put it right near us. It worked fabulously for Anna and Isaac and I got the sleep we wanted. But we woke up late to William screaming in his bed for us. It was much later than we normally wake up and who knows how long William was trying to get our attention. If that wasn't enough for me to feel guilty about, I soon heard piercing screams coming from William's room when Isaac went in to get him. He had discovered that William had been sitting in a poopy diaper and had the worst rash ever. William was screaming like I did when I was in labor. I just kissed him and cried with him as Isaac inflicted painful wipe after painful wipe to get the gunk off of William's skin. I felt like (and still do) a complete failure. I prioritized Anna's sleep (or ultimately mine) over being able to respond quickly to my son's needs.
2 comments:
I know it has been a while since you posted this, but I have one BIG thing to say.
BREATHE!
As a mother of two, you're going to make a couple of mistakes here and there. Experience is what help you become a good mother, and you're still learning and growing. Don't beat yourself up over it. You will learn how to prioritize one child's need over the other, and even include your own in there. All you will mostly likely have to do is make a slight adjustment here and there and it will all come out in the wash. We have all been in that position one time or another. I know we as mothers ping on what we did wrong, but our children will love us anyway.
You're doing a wonderful job!
Wow. For some reason I never got an email from this comment. I was rereading my posts and found this now. Thank you for reaching out. I feel incredibly honored to have you say all of that to me. Really! Thank you. You can post things like that to me anytime you like. And I love spying on your family through Facebook. I love how real you are.
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