Week 5

I'm so anxious this week. Last November I lost my baby when I was 5 weeks. I have no idea what is going to happen this time. I don't feel sure about anything. Isaac says we should be glad that we can at least get pregnant. I don't know whether I should get attached to this baby ... or stay disconnected.

I bought a little stuffed animal ... a yellow giraffe. I realized that no matter what happens this time ... I want something to remember this baby by. I like to hold this giraffe to my belly and I kiss it as I walk by Isaac's desk where it sits.

Isaac has also started praying for our baby every night. I think last week we both felt sure we would lose the baby ... and it  didn't seem real that we could even have one. This week I think Isaac sees it as more real and prays that this baby would be safe. I'm thankful for Him right now. He is so kind to me. :) The other day he went to the pharmacy and bought me Tylenol for  my headache ... and also bought me prenatal vitamins, and some herbs for another issue I have AAAND he brought back more ideas on how to help settle my stomach. When I have a pregnancy sign he looks it up online and we figure out the best way to handle it. Also, he went way out of his way to make sure I have enough progesterone cream to last me for weeks.

We have decided not to tell anyone for a few weeks. We will probably wait until we hear the baby's heartbeat ... and maybe even longer than that. I think it will be a bit hard in the next few weeks because I will be seeing my family and some close friends. On the phone I can avoid the topic, but I think it feels different in person ... but I'm getting used to not telling people.