One Month

My Dearest Son ...

As I write this, you are sleeping on my chest. You love this position to sleep. If you are fussy, this is the first place I put you to calm you down. You are such a good baby though. You almost never fuss for no reason. It would be such a stereotype to tell you that I can't believe how much you have grown in the last month, but it is true. You hold your head so much better now and sometimes you smile at me when I tell you how cute you are. I have noticed that you can follow objects in front of your eyes and you love looking at the Christmas lights in Mommy and Daddy's bedroom. You have even started to use your legs more and can brace them when I stand you up on my lap. I am so proud of you and it excites me to see you grow. I love looking into your eyes when you are awake. You are so cute, I just can't stop kissing you. 

I wish I could impart some wisdom to you, but I cannot think of anything to teach you. The other day I thought about how I will fail you ... I will fail you as a mother, that I am sure of. It made me so sad to think of it. But it just reminds me how much I need Jesus and how much you need Him. I cannot save you or make you turn out ok. And I cannot save myself or make myself not hurt you or fail you. I just hope you can grow to see Jesus as so much bigger than me and so much more wonderful  ... and His death and work on your behalf as more important than anything I can do or not do for you. It is my biggest prayer that God will give me courage, humility and a better understanding of grace so that I can always ask for your forgiveness ... and that you will always see my failings and run to Jesus with your own. Seek the Lord with all your heart ... He will forgive you and love you more than I could ever love you. And I do love you! I love you more than I ever thought possible.

Love, 

Mommy