Williams Birth Story

I've always thought I was a tough girl and could do anything I put my mind to. ... I was not prepared for how tough labor would be.

I woke up at 1:30am with some contractions. I used the bathroom and went back to sleep praying that labor would start. I then woke up again at 2:30am and the contractions were strong enough that I knew this was labor. I tried to fall asleep, but it didn't work. I wasn't comfortable laying down, so I ran downstairs and grabbed the birthing ball. I knelt on the floor and laid my head on the ball with a pillow on top to make it more comfortable. At that time the contractions were about 6-7 minutes apart and I was practicing my breathing to keep calm and get through them. 

Isaac woke up around 4am and realized I wasn't in bed anymore. He stayed with me for a few contractions and then he started to pack and get ready for the hospital. I took a bath around 5:30am and I remember experiencing my first feelings of panic. Those quick breaths and tightening up made the pain worse and it took all of my strength to calm myself down and keep breathing deeply. I also remember thinking at this time ... "I can totally do this!" Oh, how discouraged I would have been if I knew that I was only in early labor. 

We called the midwives around 6am and Blair answered. She said we could come in whenever if we wanted to avoid early morning traffic. Isaac called Rachel Williamson and made himself breakfast. Rachel showed up around 7:30am and we were ready to head out the door. When she showed up, she was such a life savor ... So confident and in control. I told her with tears in my eyes, "I don't want to do transition. This is so hard!" I looked over at Isaac and he was crying too. She told me to just take one contraction at a time and then we slowly made our way to the car. It hurt so much to walk.

We got to the hospital right around 8am or so and when Blair checked me, she said I was only 4cm. I couldn't believe I was only in early labor, but it was right after that when the contractions got really hard. Breathing techniques no longer worked and Rachel told me to vocalize the pain during the hardest part of the contraction. She stayed with me during every contraction and could tell immediately when I was losing control and not breathing well. She kept saying, "ok, the next breath you take, we are going to breathe in very deeply." she did it with me and it never failed to refocus me. I also remember complaining a lot to her during the breaks in contractions. Saying things like, "why do we do this?" and "Is it really worth it?" I always thought that the baby is the biggest motivator when you are in labor, but for me I couldn't care any less if a baby was coming or not. I just wanted the pain to end. 

We tried a lot of positions and I will never again judge anyone for their "illogical" choices. Mom always said to use gravity when choosing a position, but standing was so uncomfortable and I never moved so fast in labor as I did when I was put in a squatting position. It hurt my back so much to squat that I practically jumped to get out of the position. I ended up coping the best on my hands and knees. And Rachel and Isaac took turns putting pressure on my lower back. 

I finally hit transition around 10:30 or 11am I think. They measured me at 7cm and offered me the hot tub if I wanted to use it before it was time to push. I had told them earlier that I didn't want to deliver the baby in the tub. Transition was incredibly hard. Rachel was constantly telling me to take deep breaths to keep me focused and the contraction came so fast that I could barely move at all from any position to another. While in the hot tub I felt the uncontrollable urge to push. I felt something come out of me and the nurse said it was the bag of waters hanging out. We tried to quickly move back to the bed, but of course it was very slow because of how fast my contractions were coming. 

I'm not sure I remember all the details around this time. I was on my hands and knees again and couldn't help my body from pushing. I remember shaking and hyperventilating because the pressure when pushing KILLED!!!! I wanted to stop and made sure everyone knew it. I just knew there was no way in hell I was going to subject myself to the excruciating pain of pushing. They told me to lay down so they could check me again and I pretty much flopped down on my side leaning half on Rachel or Isaac (I can't remember who it was) and I never got up from that position again. They gave me the go ahead to start pushing and thankfully my contractions slowed down at this time. That fact and the fact that I could rest on a pillow between contractions helped me gain some control back. 

I don't remember how long I was pushing before the midwife told me that I needed to get this baby out right away ... Like the next contraction! Apparently Williams heart rate had dropped dangerously low. In hind site I think the fact that I needed to save my child was the only reason that made sense for me to push hard and hurt myself doing it. I would do anything to save my baby, including killing myself to do it. So that's what I did ... I pushed as hard as I could, but I think he was actually born one or two contractions later. Beth (the midwife delivering William) did do an episiotomy to get him out faster. When his head came out, his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck twice and when they put him on my chest his face was still a little bluish. He recovered very fast though.

I wish I could say I was so happy to see William for the first time, but honestly, I was just glad the pain stopped as soon as he was out of me. I think Isaac and Rachel were crying. I was just gasping for air and letting my whole body relax. 

The next day Blair challenged me with the question ... "What would you tell a new mom as she waits for her time of labor?" I've thought about it a lot because I don't have much positive things to say. Labor was really tough, physically and emotionally. But I think this is what i would want to tell a new mom...

The most important thing you can do is stay in the moment. Only focus on one contraction at a time. And make sure you have someone there to help you breath slowly and deeply. You will panic and panicking makes the pain twice as bad. Make sure someone you trust is there to keep you calm and talk you through the hardest parts.

Rachel Williamson was my coach and I couldn't have picked a better one. She showed up in charge and in control. She talked me through everything we needed to do, even if it was just to use the bathroom. And most of all, she knew when I was loosing control and kept me focused before it got too bad. Find someone like her, young mothers. I sure as hell want her at the next birth I have. :-)

William is a wonderful addition to our family. I felt very lost at first, particularly with nursing him. But hang in there for one week. You won't know everything at the end of the week, but you and your baby will know each other better. I love William to pieces now! I could just stare at him for hours. I can't believe God gave us such a beautiful boy!