Grampa's visit

While my sister was here I invited our Dad to come down and see both of his grandchildren. He hadn't seen Bella since she was 6 weeks old. He took me up on my offer and came down for one night. We had lots of fun watching him play with the babies. We also taught my dad how to play Settlers of Catan as well as Dominion AND Isaac got to give him a tour of the Navy base. Overall it was a great weekend, but I'm glad all our guests are gone now and William and I can try to find our own routine with Isaac back at work. Women's Bible Study starts up tomorrow and although I'm very nervous about having to nurse in public, I am very excited about being around women (many of whom have also just had their first child this summer) and getting some structure to studying the Bible. I do intend to do all the homework, but we will see how that goes. :)

Sleepy little boy and a cute teddy bear that Grampa gave him

Looking up at Grampa

Pacifier kisses

Both Bella and Will have the same type of pacifier :)

Big eyes!

Grampa and his two grandchildren

Big yawn!!

Bella and Grampa being silly with sunglasses

  

Bella and Will

My sister and niece came to visit us for a week. I can't believe how big Bella seemed to me with a newborn around. I just saw her two months ago and she was the cutest "little" baby ever. Now she is so big and William is the little shrimp. I love how happy and excited Bella is all the time. She laughs and screams, waves her arms and kicks her feet. All she needs from you is a smile and she gets so excited. William, on the other hand, thought she was obnoxious. We have so many photos of him looking like he is annoyed by her ... or scared of her flailing arms.We took hundreds of photos and it has been hard narrowing it down to a few to share with you all. I hope you enjoy them! 

Auntie Amy and William

Amy was done with her Mike's Hard Lemonade and let Bella use the bottle as a toy.

We promise there was nothing left in it!! 

If Bella was allowed to put something in her mouth ... then she did

Cousins!!!

I love Bella's face here. She is so happy.

Bella wanted a drink too :)

"Oh Boy! A new toy to play with???"

"Don't let her near me, Mom!"

"Ugh! She has cooties!"

Bella is trying to hold his hand. She wants to be friends.

"Maybe if I don't look at her, then she won't notice me."

I think this might be the cutest picture we took of them together.

Bella grabs William's ear :)

Emotions and Grace

Every time something big happens in my life ... getting married, moving or having a baby ... I find that I have to get to know myself all over again.

In the last two weeks I have found that I am very emotional (I'm sure it is all the hormones) and I worry about everything concerning the baby. I can't tell you how many times a day Isaac tells me not to worry. It is actually getting annoying now. :) But it is not annoying for the obvious reason that he says it often ... it is annoying because I know logically that I shouldn't worry, but I still do regardless of the logic. I often feel lost concerning mothering and when Isaac says not to worry, it makes it sound like he knows everything. I'm sure in reality he feels like it is his job to calm me and be in charge when his emotional wife worries about everything. :)

I also cry very easily. I cry when William cries. I cry when I'm frustrated. I cry when Isaac tells me not to worry. I cry when I'm happy too. This is all very new for me ... especially because I was very emotional-less during this pregnancy.

I have needed to remind myself many times a day ... "You don't need to have it all together. You don't need to be in control all the time. It is ok when you can't make your baby happy constantly. Remember when you heard Rachel and Jenny and Ashley extending grace to each other as mothers, Thursday morning after Thursday morning??? You need grace for yourself, your husband and your newborn son as well. Your birthing story doesn't need to be this romantic experience for women to admire. Nursing does not need to come easy for you to be a successful woman/mother. You don't need to be in love with your husband constantly to be a good wife."

This morning I really freaked out about Isaac going back to work. Every night I get very little sleep and every morning I need a break from William so I can refresh myself, get a nap, and remind myself that I love this little boy so so much. This morning as I was getting frustrated, Isaac spotted it immediately and took William for a walk so I could get a break. I took a bath and cried and realized that there was no way I could be home all day with a crying child without help. I went downstairs and opened my Bible for the first time since William was born and read some random chapters in Isaiah.

I wish I could quote some awesome verse and say that I was encouraged and recharged with a passion for God and how He would provide for me as a mother. But I didn't. I read about heaven and felt a longing for our heavenly home. It was beautiful, but not helpful for today. I don't know how God will provide for tomorrow and how I will handle Isaac being back at work. I guess my prayer is that God would keep me in this state of neediness and desiring to be home with Him. I'm sure tomorrow will include more tears and more grace...

Silly Faces

I have such a hangover!

Scheming look 

We call this the "Myles Look"

Ok. This one may not be silly, but it is adorable!

 

This one just makes me laugh... I have no smart comments.

Yikes!!!!

Mom, STOP! TAKING! PICTURES!

Add caption

Here is the "Myles Look" again

Memere Comes to Visit

My mom came to visit us this last Friday for one day. This visit meant the whole world to me. I didn't think she could get any time away and I thought she wouldn't be able to see William until Thanksgiving. So when she texted me that she just HAD to come see him, I couldn't have been more pleased. We hung around all day and she even let Isaac and I take a nap while she watched William downstairs. Then we went out to the Melting Pot for a celebration dinner. It was so good! However, it was very difficult nursing William in public even under a cover. I was very glad we were there at a very slow time so no one sat across from us in our section. Memere loves her first grandson and she says he looks just enough like the Eatons and just enough like the Spencers that both sides of the family can be attached to him. Thanks Mom for making last weekend so special! We love you and hope you do really well in nursing school this semester!

This is my favorite picture of Memere and William

Look at that little body all curled up!

Saying goodbye

Daddy and William

I have always thought that men that take an interest in babies and children are very sexy. I remember the first weekend that I met Isaac... Amy and I had nursery duty that Sunday, so Isaac joined us. There was this one little boy who always cried when his parents dropped him off. He was pretty much never consolable. But this Sunday, Isaac picked him up and the boy fall asleep on him very contented and happy. That was the first time I could say I was attracted to my future husband.

All during this pregnancy Isaac has taken quite an interest in my friend's children. The Barnett boys call him "Iyak" and Henry Williamson asks to play with his smart phone (a treat he got one night when we were babysitting him). I love watching him with them, but this week has been so special watching him bond with his son. Sometimes he turns to me and his eyes tell me that he is so in love and proud of his child. He told me the other day, "I didn't think I would be this involved in the baby's life."  He begs me to let him burp him and he asks to change poopy diapers. He rejoices with me when he feeds well and congratulates William when he lets out a burp. I love these two and had to post the cutest photos of them together.      

This was the first time Isaac held William

Look at that cute little yawn! Melts my heart...

One of William's silly faces

William looking at Daddy

Williams Birth Story

I've always thought I was a tough girl and could do anything I put my mind to. ... I was not prepared for how tough labor would be.

I woke up at 1:30am with some contractions. I used the bathroom and went back to sleep praying that labor would start. I then woke up again at 2:30am and the contractions were strong enough that I knew this was labor. I tried to fall asleep, but it didn't work. I wasn't comfortable laying down, so I ran downstairs and grabbed the birthing ball. I knelt on the floor and laid my head on the ball with a pillow on top to make it more comfortable. At that time the contractions were about 6-7 minutes apart and I was practicing my breathing to keep calm and get through them. 

Isaac woke up around 4am and realized I wasn't in bed anymore. He stayed with me for a few contractions and then he started to pack and get ready for the hospital. I took a bath around 5:30am and I remember experiencing my first feelings of panic. Those quick breaths and tightening up made the pain worse and it took all of my strength to calm myself down and keep breathing deeply. I also remember thinking at this time ... "I can totally do this!" Oh, how discouraged I would have been if I knew that I was only in early labor. 

We called the midwives around 6am and Blair answered. She said we could come in whenever if we wanted to avoid early morning traffic. Isaac called Rachel Williamson and made himself breakfast. Rachel showed up around 7:30am and we were ready to head out the door. When she showed up, she was such a life savor ... So confident and in control. I told her with tears in my eyes, "I don't want to do transition. This is so hard!" I looked over at Isaac and he was crying too. She told me to just take one contraction at a time and then we slowly made our way to the car. It hurt so much to walk.

We got to the hospital right around 8am or so and when Blair checked me, she said I was only 4cm. I couldn't believe I was only in early labor, but it was right after that when the contractions got really hard. Breathing techniques no longer worked and Rachel told me to vocalize the pain during the hardest part of the contraction. She stayed with me during every contraction and could tell immediately when I was losing control and not breathing well. She kept saying, "ok, the next breath you take, we are going to breathe in very deeply." she did it with me and it never failed to refocus me. I also remember complaining a lot to her during the breaks in contractions. Saying things like, "why do we do this?" and "Is it really worth it?" I always thought that the baby is the biggest motivator when you are in labor, but for me I couldn't care any less if a baby was coming or not. I just wanted the pain to end. 

We tried a lot of positions and I will never again judge anyone for their "illogical" choices. Mom always said to use gravity when choosing a position, but standing was so uncomfortable and I never moved so fast in labor as I did when I was put in a squatting position. It hurt my back so much to squat that I practically jumped to get out of the position. I ended up coping the best on my hands and knees. And Rachel and Isaac took turns putting pressure on my lower back. 

I finally hit transition around 10:30 or 11am I think. They measured me at 7cm and offered me the hot tub if I wanted to use it before it was time to push. I had told them earlier that I didn't want to deliver the baby in the tub. Transition was incredibly hard. Rachel was constantly telling me to take deep breaths to keep me focused and the contraction came so fast that I could barely move at all from any position to another. While in the hot tub I felt the uncontrollable urge to push. I felt something come out of me and the nurse said it was the bag of waters hanging out. We tried to quickly move back to the bed, but of course it was very slow because of how fast my contractions were coming. 

I'm not sure I remember all the details around this time. I was on my hands and knees again and couldn't help my body from pushing. I remember shaking and hyperventilating because the pressure when pushing KILLED!!!! I wanted to stop and made sure everyone knew it. I just knew there was no way in hell I was going to subject myself to the excruciating pain of pushing. They told me to lay down so they could check me again and I pretty much flopped down on my side leaning half on Rachel or Isaac (I can't remember who it was) and I never got up from that position again. They gave me the go ahead to start pushing and thankfully my contractions slowed down at this time. That fact and the fact that I could rest on a pillow between contractions helped me gain some control back. 

I don't remember how long I was pushing before the midwife told me that I needed to get this baby out right away ... Like the next contraction! Apparently Williams heart rate had dropped dangerously low. In hind site I think the fact that I needed to save my child was the only reason that made sense for me to push hard and hurt myself doing it. I would do anything to save my baby, including killing myself to do it. So that's what I did ... I pushed as hard as I could, but I think he was actually born one or two contractions later. Beth (the midwife delivering William) did do an episiotomy to get him out faster. When his head came out, his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck twice and when they put him on my chest his face was still a little bluish. He recovered very fast though.

I wish I could say I was so happy to see William for the first time, but honestly, I was just glad the pain stopped as soon as he was out of me. I think Isaac and Rachel were crying. I was just gasping for air and letting my whole body relax. 

The next day Blair challenged me with the question ... "What would you tell a new mom as she waits for her time of labor?" I've thought about it a lot because I don't have much positive things to say. Labor was really tough, physically and emotionally. But I think this is what i would want to tell a new mom...

The most important thing you can do is stay in the moment. Only focus on one contraction at a time. And make sure you have someone there to help you breath slowly and deeply. You will panic and panicking makes the pain twice as bad. Make sure someone you trust is there to keep you calm and talk you through the hardest parts.

Rachel Williamson was my coach and I couldn't have picked a better one. She showed up in charge and in control. She talked me through everything we needed to do, even if it was just to use the bathroom. And most of all, she knew when I was loosing control and kept me focused before it got too bad. Find someone like her, young mothers. I sure as hell want her at the next birth I have. :-)

William is a wonderful addition to our family. I felt very lost at first, particularly with nursing him. But hang in there for one week. You won't know everything at the end of the week, but you and your baby will know each other better. I love William to pieces now! I could just stare at him for hours. I can't believe God gave us such a beautiful boy!