My Little Girls

This morning my mind turned to our little twins that we lost 7 months ago. I thought about the long painful week of expecting to lose them until we found out for sure. I thought about my friends gracious responses even though it took me about a month afterwards to start mourning. And only after all these thoughts did I realize that today, April 29th, is their due date. If they had lived, I would have them in my arms by now. I miss them very much, just as I miss all of my children. In my mind, they are my little girls. Louisa and Lauren.  Isaac reminds me that I have a heathy living baby now, but my heart is still torn and I feel broken. The hardest thing about finding out I was pregnant with this child is that I knew he would live and I would have to struggle to love living and deceased children all at the same time.  But as I feel this little boy kick me and I feel his tiny hand push against my skin, I feel thankful ... And sad ... And hopeful all at once. God has made this child very special. He must have a plan for this child on this earth ... A plan I may never see or know. And up in heaven God is enjoying my daughters praising and worshipping Him. Maybe they are dancing around on their tiptoes and delighting in Gods love and care of them.  God has blessed me 5 times with children and in the same breath has broken me .... All I can say is thank you, Lord and if it is ok with you, I'll just stay and cry in this place for a little while longer.