Time for Me???

Women's Bible Study just started today and even though I was so so so tired, I still wanted to go and be around friends and new acquaintances. Strangely, two women asked me the same question ... "So, are you doing anything for yourself these days?" I didn't know how to answer that. At first I couldn't think of anything ... and then on the way home I realized that I am eating for myself. I've lost so much weight that I figure I deserve to eat or drink what I want. I'm not proud of this but the questions these ladies asked me have made me wonder ... What should I be doing for myself? What does that look like? Is it selfish to have time for me?

Being a mommy right now is ALL-CONSUMING. I couldn't turn it off even if I wanted to. William needs so much from me. I miss being a wife, a lover, a friend ... and many other roles that I used to fill. I now understand what people talk about when they resent their baby. Finding time for Isaac and me is so hard that I resent William keeping me from feeling close to my husband. I also resent Isaac for needing me when he can take care of himself ... whereas William can't. 

I realize that this may sound very insensitive, but I wonder if it is easier for single moms because they know that everything they do is for their child and no one tries to keep them from being a mommy. I'm am very truly sorry if I hurt and insult those that are single parents. I'm am blessed to have a supportive husband that allows me to stay home with our baby. I guess I'm just struggling to know how to balance everything in my life. The only thing that is obvious to me is being a mom and caring for a crying baby. How to you turn off mommy mode and not feel guilty? How do you have a drink and not think about all the ways you need to stay sharp and prepared. And HOW THE HECK am I supposed to do something for myself? 

Don't get me wrong ... William is a very easy baby and Isaac is a very understanding and sensitive man. I'm very happy, most of the time. :) I love being a mom and I think about having more kids probably more than I should with a 4 week old in the house. 

But time for me??? What is that? I don't understand the question ... :)

Mommy and Baby

Well ... we don't have many pictures of William and me. I guess that means I take most of the pictures. :) But  this is what I found ... I may hire Val to remedy this. 

And Then There Were Three!!!

The following posts are pics that my awesome friend, Val, took about a week after William was born. She makes us all look so good. If anyone wants her info, I would be happy to set you up with her. Check out her blog: http://valwegs.blogspot.com

Gah! I can't help it!

This is what William looks like when he is in a good mood. Notice he isn't glaring at the camera like he usually does. :) I'm sorry if all the pics look alike. I really couldn't narrow down which ones were best.

He looks like he is amused by something.

"What's that, Mommy?"

"I think ... I think I just filled my diaper."

"Interesting..."

'Oh, my!!!"

Daddy and Son

Two days ago I left Isaac with William for about 2 hours. It was nice to go somewhere and not have to lug a diaper bag and heavy car seat. I wasn't worried at all about them. I know that my husband is great with William and serves him patiently and without complaining. Isaac has been working his butt off with work, school and church stuff ... then he comes home and gives me tons of breaks by taking William outside, changing his diaper or putting him to bed so I can get an extra 30 min of sleep. He is wonderful with his son and I love seeing them together. Here are a few more pics of the two of them. I kinda want to kiss them both. :)

  

My secret

Last night I woke up at 1am to William crying for milk. This is all pretty typical of course, but after I changed his diaper and picked him back up he lay against my chest in such a way that I couldn't put him down. He felt so cuddly all slumped in a ball against me. So I laid down with him still on me ... and all of a sudden he reached up and touched my face with his perfect hand. Ah, I melted at his touch and I can't stop thinking about it.

I love my face being touched. It all started back when I was a little girl. It was usually at church when I sat on my dad's lap. He would run his hand over my cheek or ear and I would fall asleep to his touch every time. I could never get enough of it. Isaac knows this secret and now he touches me on my face when he wants to love on me ... or to get me to stay still. He knows that if he runs his hand over my face I won't move a muscle so that it will keep going.

Oh, I will be in such trouble if William ever discovers my secret. He will come and touch my face whenever he wants something ... and I know I will give in to him every time if he does. :) Last night was one of the most perfect moments since William was born. I hope I always remember these times. I love him so much.

Don't you just want to kiss this adorable face???

Grampa's visit

While my sister was here I invited our Dad to come down and see both of his grandchildren. He hadn't seen Bella since she was 6 weeks old. He took me up on my offer and came down for one night. We had lots of fun watching him play with the babies. We also taught my dad how to play Settlers of Catan as well as Dominion AND Isaac got to give him a tour of the Navy base. Overall it was a great weekend, but I'm glad all our guests are gone now and William and I can try to find our own routine with Isaac back at work. Women's Bible Study starts up tomorrow and although I'm very nervous about having to nurse in public, I am very excited about being around women (many of whom have also just had their first child this summer) and getting some structure to studying the Bible. I do intend to do all the homework, but we will see how that goes. :)

Sleepy little boy and a cute teddy bear that Grampa gave him

Looking up at Grampa

Pacifier kisses

Both Bella and Will have the same type of pacifier :)

Big eyes!

Grampa and his two grandchildren

Big yawn!!

Bella and Grampa being silly with sunglasses