My Little Girls

This morning my mind turned to our little twins that we lost 7 months ago. I thought about the long painful week of expecting to lose them until we found out for sure. I thought about my friends gracious responses even though it took me about a month afterwards to start mourning. And only after all these thoughts did I realize that today, April 29th, is their due date. If they had lived, I would have them in my arms by now. I miss them very much, just as I miss all of my children. In my mind, they are my little girls. Louisa and Lauren.  Isaac reminds me that I have a heathy living baby now, but my heart is still torn and I feel broken. The hardest thing about finding out I was pregnant with this child is that I knew he would live and I would have to struggle to love living and deceased children all at the same time.  But as I feel this little boy kick me and I feel his tiny hand push against my skin, I feel thankful ... And sad ... And hopeful all at once. God has made this child very special. He must have a plan for this child on this earth ... A plan I may never see or know. And up in heaven God is enjoying my daughters praising and worshipping Him. Maybe they are dancing around on their tiptoes and delighting in Gods love and care of them.  God has blessed me 5 times with children and in the same breath has broken me .... All I can say is thank you, Lord and if it is ok with you, I'll just stay and cry in this place for a little while longer. 

Preggo pics

For those of you that won't stop asking me if I will post new belly pictures .... Here you go:

19 Weeks Pregnant

Almost 21 Weeks Pregnant

As you can see .... our son had a growth spurt this weekend!!! I still blame you, Jenny. My friend, Jenny, made a bet that I would be in maternity shirts in 2 weeks .... AAANNNNNDDD ... she is right. I grew a lot all of a sudden. I can't believe I am only 21 weeks. I feel huge now and I can't imagine getting bigger than this. 

20 Weeks - More pics

This is the best shot from our 20 week ultrasound. Baby Spencer's cute little profile. He is growing very fast and is very active.

This is just a neat picture of the baby's spine. :)

If you are into reading measurements, then you might like this pic.

Baby Spencer is looking down and I think the arrow is pointing to his heart. 

Week 18 - Things I appreciate this week

I feel like this is the first time in this pregnancy that I have started to enjoy this long process. A few things have contributed to this and I thought I would share them with you.

First of all ... Feeling our little boy move several times a day has been the biggest joy to me. He makes me laugh at random times of the day with his antics and it encourages me to talk to him often and engage in his life even at this early early stage. I love how he is already a part of my daily life. I think I would miss him so much if anything happened now... Gosh I love this baby.

I love how Isaac comes how every day, he kisses me and then touches my belly and asks how baby is today. I wish he could feel him move though. I am sure isaac would feel connected more if he felt this little guy kicking his hand. I have felt him with my own hand already so I know Isaac is able to, but we never seem to get the timing right for Isaac to feel him. Baby always stops kicking with I call Isaac over. :)

I also have really appreciated some small kindnesses that random people have been extending to me. At my last appt. my midwife helped me get up from the bed by supporting my back ... I had never thought about it before, but it really helps! I just appreciated that someone really knows how much weaker I am now that I am pregnant.

Also, at choir practice, two folks that I don't know well offered a seat to me and encouraged me to sit whenever I need to ... This was very meaningful because there were very few seats and half of the folks there had to stay standing.

Lastly, I really appreciated that a random stranger asked me if I was having a boy if girl. :) This was the first time anyone that didn't know me acknowledged my pregnancy. This made me happy because I must not look fat anymore. My belly officially looks pregnant. Yay!!!

Some other cute pics

Week 7

Week 9

I visited my sister when she was having her baby and we were pregnant together for 1 week. :)

Week 11

Week 14

Week 17

17 Weeks - Its a BOY!!!

16 Weeks - Frequently Asked Questions

Have you been sick? - No, just tired. But now that I am in my second trimester I am feeling much more energetic.

When are you due? - August 18th

Do you know what the gender is? - Yes, it is a boy. We could tell a little bit at the 11 week ultrasound that he had boy parts, but the 15/16 week ultrasound confirmed it without a doubt. :)

Do you have a name picked out? - No, we only had a girl name picked out and we can't agree on boy names. I have a feeling we will wait to see his face before we decide.

Are you having twins? - I'm just kidding!!! No one has asked me that .... yet. :) I am showing, but most people don't notice.